Thursday, September 04, 2008

We were invited, why are you throwing US out?


Z and I are back in Moosetaint county, slinging corndogs to the throngs of tourists at the 7th Annual Slosh-a-Palooza Beer Festival and Expecting Mother Doilie Blow out (down at the exhibition barn). The beer is rockin' and the new moms are crocheting their prego hearts out. Oh, I always say CROTCH-etting in my head. Good times, and good business. Drunks and hormone-crazed fuck-trophy carriers go apeshit at our stand. Z had a brainstorm and dumped pickle juice into the cotton candy machine. I swear it's like crack to the ladies.


Then we get a call from the bar, some incoherent shrieking about Jimmy and nudity. I gotsta check this out!


Arriving in a blue cloud of Pinto smoke and ICP rapping about juggalos Z and I look at each other. We can hear Jimmy ranting from the parking lot. Z exclaims "I knew I shoulda worn my fighting heels, not this damn open-toed set!"


What the fuck? Focus! We hauled-ass inside and there was Jimmy. He's Axle-dancing on the bar, throwing chunks of turkey-bologna at 3 baying hounds, swinging a mop at anyone who gets close to him. Butt nekkid. That can't be hygienic. His eyes are all pupils, and yelling something about Prairie Elves, the Sacrament and skunks. He spots Zanna, and immediately gets off the table. She has a calming effect in the melting mind of the fried. It's all those years of making our fryer her bitch, methinks.


He raises the mop like a mighty saber of the righteous (god, that tree did a number on his junk) and grandly proclaims "I am the Voice of Reason, bring a round of mead to my friends, and all shall become clear as you hear my story, good folk"


Yeah, they threw us the fuck out.



16 comments:

TrannyGranny said...

This isn't the end of the story folks, but Jimmy is finally snoring in the trunk of the pinto, and I need a beer.

Anonymous said...

How the hell do you come up nwith this shit?

LadyJane said...

I know someone who may like pickle juice flavoured cotton candy....

Dragulf said...

My sister loves tatting. *nods*

Vinegar cotton candy? As long as you keep that hairy Helga away from the machine when you are making it, I'll buy 2 bags.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous-- If you Tranny and Zanna like I know T&Z, you wouldnt even ask that question.

Dragonboy out!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zanna said...

I would just like to say there IS such things as "fighting heels". Open toed shoes get caught in shit like earrings and shit like that.

LadyJane said...

I prefer fightin' in my bare feet. Sure the inevitable shards of glass from the bottle of Jack Daniel's that I laid out against my opponents face may or may not get imbedded in my foot, but if the bitch I'm punching out deserves it, then I can deal with glass later with a pair of pliers, a stick to bite on, a couple of corn-dogs and tequila.

PICKLES said...

this site is AWESOME

Jersey said...

That.....was....like....reading an acid trip........I think.

Anonymous said...

Is Jimmy awake yet?

Not Beav said...

Oooh the linkage, not leakage, to my house is still here...makes me wanna update...

My word verification was "fulags".......

Anonymous said...

THE PICTURE DOESNT MATCH THE STORY

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Lemurwanner said...

where is the rest of the STORY HURRY UP

ANGRY BLOGGER said...

what the fuck..this is like when my boyfriend gave me foreplay, went to take a leak and then fell asleep on his couch. THIS SITE SUCS.

TrannyGranny said...

Better than the time your "boyfriend" gave you the clap, sans foreplay.

O! BURN!


Get it, ....burn....get it? Yeah, you got it.

O! It keeps coming!