Sunday, August 05, 2007

Hindu's: The Final Re-Incarnation of the Nazi's?

Corndog Trailer arrived in grand fashion at the Haye's, Kansas Cultural Arts Center for our most recent gig. By "grand fashion" I am refering to the massive backfire our Pinto cut loose with as we pulled into the parking lot, sending a couple of WWII vets into flashback to D-Day mode. I can't help but find octegenarians yelling "Incoming" and creeping through bushes amusing, but Z, bless her heart, ran over to help calm them down. Damn, girls got a shake that measures on the Richter scale. I filmed the old man after Zanna got him an ice-cream to sooth him.



We were in Hayes due to an invitation to sling corndogs at the Hindu Indian National Dialogue Of Native Traditions. India Indians. Dots, not feathers.

Things started out roughly, due to a translation problem with the word "corndog". We were proudly explaining that we use only the highest quality all beef franks, when the coalition head Padma Brah flipped. "Holy Vishnu, how can dogs of corn be made of beef, how is this possible!" He then lapsed into Hindu-speak, gibbering away. My mind drifted off to thoughts of Slurpee's. When I snapped back to reality, I inferred that both dog and corn were acceptable but beef was not. Padma Brah went on to explain "While researching places in the States United to hold our convention, we chose Kansas specifically because it is home to the delicious Rhode Island Red and had no real beef industry such as Louisiana and Hawaii are known for."

Riiiiiggghhhhht. I explained we had plenty of non-beef specialitys we could cook for the convention tomorrow. Later that night, sitting on the hood of the Pinto with some 40's of Old E, laughing hysterically we learned what Hindu's and H.I.N.D.O.N.T.s eat, by borrowing a bit of wi-fi from the nearby Prairie-Foof Hotel (where a Dalton Gang Died For Your Sins convention was in full swing.) Bet they like corndogs.

Well, the next day, Z and I trotted out the revised menu. Buffalo wings, corn on the cob, deep-fried macaroni and cheese bits, and.....were shocked as we carried our trays in to the Cultural Arts Center. The place was covered in swastikas, and the Indians were all wearing the swastika on their colorful clothes. Z and I pride ourselves on being sensitive to other cultures and open-minded, but....the international symbol of evil? Hindu's believe in reincarnation...could these people believe they are the final resting place of the souls of Hitler and Goebles? I decided to find out, tactfully.

When the people came up for their food, I would say "Schiece", which I think means hello in German. No reaction. Z put a white pillow case on her head for a while as she served, nothing but odd looks. When they paid us as they were leaving, I smoothly slipped into the conversation "So do you guys have a Jew and Gay problem in Bollywood?" Padma Brah advised us to seek help, and left, giving us our own swastika's on the way out.

Seemed like nice folks for a bunch of racist sociopaths.

Can't wait to tell Amy from Wak-a-Mole and Jimmy about this. Well, on to NASCAR, to serve corndogs and deep-fried snickers to throngs of drunken fans. Our people.

23 comments:

Dragulf said...

The Nazi's couldn't come up with their own symbol so they stole on in use already Tranny. No worries m8.

As for the all beef corndogs, what ya needed to say was "Kosher!" and smile and no more problems.

Amy from the Whack-a-mole said she'd go out with me if I took a long, hot shower. She's so easy! I am getting in those pants like a nacho chip sliding into guacamole!

zanna said...

Actually, T knew that already (that the swastika was originally). He told ME the other day and it means well being. I added a link in the story.

TrannyGranny said...

Ah, I can just imagine the glory! The pitter-patter of Drag-a-moles throughout the house, the sweet smell of Camels and D&D in the air. I have faith in your Amy-tapping skills, my friend!

On second thought, wrap that shit up till everybody is tested. She's carne-folk, yo. You know, small hands.....

hehe!

Dragulf said...

OMG! Tranny it's like you can ready my mind! AWESOME!!!

Zanna said...

Its like you two could be brothers...and it scares me.

Anonymous said...

This is the weirdest sites I've seen in a long time. I found it over in d-listed. I think I'm putting it in my favorites. HA HA

Dragulf said...

Zanna, we are twins separated at birth. Don't be scared.

TrannyGranny said...

Anon;

We in D-listed? Sweet! Drop by the Taint anytime for a corndog and a 40.

Sean from DocintheBox said...

Ah, you're the ass monkey that’s driving around with that environmental apocalypse, maybe you should change over to diesel and recycle your corndog frying oil into bio-diesel so when your beast back fires we smell the lovely aroma of corndogs and it improves your sales. Hindu’s and Nazi’s are both a little mad, a god called the destroyer? And if the Nazi’s had cooked all of those Jews, I wouldn’t have been able to eat those tasty Hebrew National hot dogs at Costco nor listened to cool tunes by Bob Dillan.

Beav said...

I typed a whole thing and it didn't go thru. Son of a bitch. I feel like Wally....

TrannyGranny said...

Hi Beav!

Doc in a Box...dude, a diesel in a Pinto? This ain't Your-rope, yo. Donations gladly accepted!

Oh, new product out! Unofficial of course, but the new "Corn Dog Barbie" may be available under the table at a NASCAR race near you!

TrannyGranny said...

Everyone raise the hands and shout "Cabbage Douche"!!!!!

TG said...

Ok, god, Please don't.

Dragulf said...

You going to try to win the "Corndog Arts Festival Prize" again m8?

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sukosari said...

Nice Post, impressive

yellowdog granny said...

holy shit!....a friend of mine in nycity showed me one of your posts about some lady and a whack a mole game and i just had to read more..ya'll are ...well, i'm not sure what you are, but your funnier than shit and i like it...im coming back for more..

bernard n. shull said...

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Dragulf said...

*gets out the whisk and sauce pan* I heard you guys were gonna start corn dogging again. I made a few new dipping sauce recipes for ya'll to try out.

Anonymous said...

@Tranny - you're such an ignorant retard, what are u 10? But ofcourse people like you make up the majority of the US.
http://www.kuro5hin.org/?op=displaystory;sid=2002/11/21/1472/6928

cheerio!

David,
Scotland, Uk

Anonymous said...

Talk about ignorant white trash!
Hinduism is one of the oldest known religions on the planet.
You have just shown how backwards and stupid white americans are, well done.
Your pithy attempts to get a reaction just show how abysmal your world view is.
The nazis stole the symbol, but an inbreed ill educated meat eater such as you and your friend could hardly be blamed for not looking beyond your 'WHITE WORLD' view and seeing the truth.
Your lucky Hindus are one the most peacefull, un-judgmental people (unlike your sorry selves) on the planet because you need some serious help.
You and your friends are really f***ing STUPID and racist LOL!

Anonymous said...

dude im indian and i dont agree with .... we all know what u nazi hindus do to jews and u guys do worse stuff to christians... u wont accept anything else except your narrow hindu aryan beliefs. people are either with you or against you. and as for peace loving....yeah right....more like piece loving.... look at the state of affairs here... violence everywhere.....people start riots over a hairpin.....and the cast and class system.....the just breeds violence....

oh yes ..what about sati....burn your bride when u die so she cant live a happy life after you.......on and on and on......hitler chose the swastik because all his beliefs were hindu....u f******* nazi hindu..

TrannyGranny said...

After everything posted here, THIS is the post I get hate mail for?! Hahahahahahhaa!!!!!!! Did you people (yeah, I said "you people") even read this? Or any other post on this blog? Get off your high-horse.....or high-cow as the case may be, and join the fun.