Monday, December 04, 2006

CONIFEROUS, Not CARNIVOROUS

Damnit kids, this will likely be my last post this year. The construction company I am working for until Blessed Corndog Season starts up in the spring picked up a month-long contract. In fucking Miami. No, not that Miami. Ever see a 3000 foot deep hole in the ground, surrounded by the most god-awful cacti and inbreeders imaginable? That Miami. Miami, Arizona. I may just be a little bitter, because Zanna isn't going, at least at first.

She originally wanted to come along, as I was explaining that the entire state wasn't a blasted desert hell-hole, and I could show her some places that Arizona Highways Magazine will never find. I went on to explain that AZ has the largest coniferous forest in the United States....that's when she freaked. She kept proclaiming "no tree is gonna eat me" and "are they Ents?" and "I don't like the meat-eating forests". I eventually calmed her down, and she agreed to visit after I send her some pics of the trees NOT eating me. It will still be a long few weeks till she comes down. I'm worried there won't be cell phone reception, as well.

As a farewell gift, I tied Freakshow Joe into a mini-stuff-sack, and strapped him on the back of a train hauling short-stack pancake mix, small fries and rutting grunion. He won't find his way back to the Taint for a while. Hope he doesn't drown in his own shit before someone finds him.

Well, folks, I am off to glean my last remaining hours with Zanna, maybe have a few 40's and "put something that thumps in the boom-box."

Might as well get used to speaking spanish full time again, soooo......Hasta luego, muchachos, and Feliz Onyordog!

17 comments:

Dragulf said...

AZ ain't so bad as all that Zanna. Wait till ya meet the Teddy Bear Choya's :) Woot, those are a party! Bring pliars and a first aid kit!

Dragulf said...

Sorry, I spell them Choya (as I speak spanish) but they are really spelled CHOLLA. Google Teddybear or Teddy Bear or Jumping Cholla for fun facts and pictures.

P.S. I have Cholla all over my yard. You have been warned!

Tranny & Zanna said...

funny you mention the cholla. T told me they hate anything living and they actually jump out and stick you. Arizona? I'm AGAINST IT.

/ZANNA

Tranny & Zanna said...

It's true Dragulf; Z told me in the "write in" section of the recent ballot she pencilled in "Arizona NO"

Personally, I grew up there, and thought it was weird that people in other states did not decorate with rocks or possibly fatal plantlife. Or catch scorpions for fun. Or bait rattlesnakes. Or have neurotoxic lizards live in their shower. Or jump 100 feet off a sandstone cliff into a 20 deep puddle of water smaller than most bedrooms.

Damn, now I am homesick.

-Tranny

Dragulf said...

Ya forgot the heat. Fries your brain to a fruitcake and soon!

I love the fact I have no GD grass to cut anymore!

Tranny & Zanna said...

Funny you say that too, D, because T had told me (before the Cholla explanation) about this Frog out there in Arizona and his exact words were, "That's what happens when the sun fries your brain" or something like that.....called the "congress or salome(?) frog"

http://www.desertusa.com/mag05/jun/images/frog.jpg

/Zanna

Walrus Gumboot said...

Tranny

For what it's worth and as long as you ARE back...

Welcome Back

Italian Stallion said...

Later dude....have fun in the dessert. Look out for Osama........

p0nk said...

you say 'coniferous forest' as if to imply AZ has trees. I live in the redwoods, 2 brazilian square miles of sagebrush is NOT a coniferous forest.

TrannyGranny said...

Ponk;

Funny, and yet dead wrong. Try google earthing the central and eastern mountain ranges in AZ, you may be shocked by what you see. The ponderosa forests are larger than MA, RI and Deleware combined, although not as tall as a redwood, the area is much greater. Feel free to click the link.

Oh, the boss-man sprung for a hotel somewhere outside Dinehotsu, Navajo Nation, have wireless for the night. Looks like some kind of sheep sandwich for dinner...

TrannyGranny said...

CRAP!!!

I tried linking pics of the White mountains, but got some other crap instead. Disregard link.

I'm blaming it on the Injuns.

Zanna said...

Just so you know, Jimmy is "decorating" the corndog trailer for the Moose Taint Christmas Pageant. I can't believe you aren't going to be here for this. Hannoush's brothers are putting antlers on Hannoush's camel and Amy from the Whack A Mole is going to be Pam Anderson.

trannygranny said...

Zanna;

Ah shit, I forgot about the pageant! Last year Jimmy made an effigy of Jesus Christ out of some KGB, can't wait to see what he does this year.

Damn, I don't feel so happy about going to this "Payo-Tea" ceremony that my new injun friend Red-Man-Brand just invited me to.

*hugs*

p0nk said...

T, i remember flying over the White Mountains once. Pretty wicked. I'm just giving you chit about the forest.

Zanna said...

*hugs back*

Go have fun. No sense in staying in your room. I just wish you were here.

TrannyGranny said...

Z......


I will go drown my sorrows of being without you in this "payo-tea" I hear so much about, but no matter how much tea I drink it still sucks you ain't here.


Ponk;

I figured you were chit-giving, man! Lol! Truly, most of this state (as Dragulf, Leslie B. Ann, Pagan, Azcoyote and Ferret can attest to)is a frightful desert, and FUCK is there a lot of sagebrush around. I just like to point out that forest fact to people because it is frankly absurd, and yet true. Rock on, my man, and I have been in your neck of the woods and those trees are absolutely UNBELIEVABLE IN THEIR MAJESTY. I almost feel bad about how many decks I have built out of them!

Jeez, why do I feel the need to expound upon everything when I am in a hotel? This is what got me on the Fish' in the first place, small room frustration.

Out.

Zanna said...

I just tried calling you back. I left a message, daaahlink.