Saturday, December 09, 2006

Eugene

Tranny is gone. I'm SO hating life right now. I just got done eating Chef Boyardee out of the can, standing in the dark in the pantry. Then the bell rings. I'm figuring it's Jimmy, or Amy or SOMEONE. I would even settle for Freakshow Joe at this point. I'm lonely, what can I say.

So, I opened the door and it's Tranny's cousin, Eugene. Now, I only know Eugene from pictures and Tranny's "family flatulence" stories. Eugene hugs me like he's known me for years..picked me off the ground and everything. Eugene smells like a delicate combination of onions and Old Spice. Eugene just went out the the truck to get the rest of his stuff. I took a picture of Eugene with my camera phone while he was out there. I promptly sent it to Tranny's phone. And I'm going to leave it up to you if you want to see Eugene for yourself. That way you have no one to blame for what you are about to see, but yourself.

Welcome to Hell. I'm Zanna...I'll be your hostess.


RockYou Scratcher

Monday, December 04, 2006

CONIFEROUS, Not CARNIVOROUS

Damnit kids, this will likely be my last post this year. The construction company I am working for until Blessed Corndog Season starts up in the spring picked up a month-long contract. In fucking Miami. No, not that Miami. Ever see a 3000 foot deep hole in the ground, surrounded by the most god-awful cacti and inbreeders imaginable? That Miami. Miami, Arizona. I may just be a little bitter, because Zanna isn't going, at least at first.

She originally wanted to come along, as I was explaining that the entire state wasn't a blasted desert hell-hole, and I could show her some places that Arizona Highways Magazine will never find. I went on to explain that AZ has the largest coniferous forest in the United States....that's when she freaked. She kept proclaiming "no tree is gonna eat me" and "are they Ents?" and "I don't like the meat-eating forests". I eventually calmed her down, and she agreed to visit after I send her some pics of the trees NOT eating me. It will still be a long few weeks till she comes down. I'm worried there won't be cell phone reception, as well.

As a farewell gift, I tied Freakshow Joe into a mini-stuff-sack, and strapped him on the back of a train hauling short-stack pancake mix, small fries and rutting grunion. He won't find his way back to the Taint for a while. Hope he doesn't drown in his own shit before someone finds him.

Well, folks, I am off to glean my last remaining hours with Zanna, maybe have a few 40's and "put something that thumps in the boom-box."

Might as well get used to speaking spanish full time again, soooo......Hasta luego, muchachos, and Feliz Onyordog!