Sunday, October 01, 2006

There is No Place Like Home

First, just let me say it's good to be back at the corndog trailer and T's very strong, muscular, tree-choppin, chainsaw usin' arms. Oh and that the wedding sucked.

The whole fucking time I had to listen to my cousin go on and on about the time T set her fake tits on fire and "I chould make T pay for new one...pesos don't grow on tress, ju know".

No, bitch, pesos DON'T grow on trees so why don't you go and pray to the " Virgin Mary in a Bathtub" thing you have in your yard and maybe there will be some kind of fucking miracle.

I would also like to say that the Mexican heat coupled with fine polyester wedding garb tend to be a lethal combination. With that said, I would like to say this. JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH ME DOESN'T MEAN I CAN'T TELL YOU ARE SCRATCHING YOUR BALLS. During conversation, just because you have made eye contact with me does not mean I no longer have peripheral vision. And I don't mean just one of those "adjustments" men make...or the patented "quick scratch"(the one where the guy's eyes dart around to see if you saw him). I mean...the kind of scratching that makes me want to mace you dead with "Tough-actin' Tinactin' and a bic lighter. I'm just saying.

Anyway, T has given me a RIGHTEOUS welcome home. Breakfast in bed has got a WHOLE new meaning, now. And I'm hoping that Wal*Mart will have something to get the "meaning" out of the sheets if you know what I'm saying (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). Ahoy, matey!

We've also got to get the Moose-Taint County Sunday paper and check out the classifieds. We need to get jobs for the winter now that corn-doggin' is gonna be on the backburner for the winter months.

In the meantime, here is a video they gave us as a "wedding keepsake". We had to dance to the song like 3 times at the reception. Where of course, my cousin, while she was dancing, had to keep pointing out how her tits don't bounce in unison thanks to the fact that, "ju husbang burn my eeeemplangts." God. Fucking GET OVER it. Sell your donkey or something.


14 comments:

Dragulf said...

If Era+ doesn't work on those stains try a mix of chlorox and ammonia. WARNING: Only mix chlorox and ammonia OUTSIDE! If your clothes haven't disintegrated in that mix, I guarantee the stains will be gone!

Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Fucking classic.

I fucking love New Mexico. My sister lives out there. I been going there since I was 12. Me and my sister are 13 years apart. I was a mistake after a night of Jim Beam and quaaludes.

Anyway, Me and a friend stole one of the old RT 666 signs before they changed it. Its hanging in my living room.

If you go back make sure to visit the Jesus Christ tortilla shine near Roswell. Seriously, some crazy old bitch made a tortilla back the 70s and swears that J.C.'s face is in it. I'm not allowed back cos I was hungry and tried to eat it.

PS--you fuckers haven't visted me yet...

Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

PPSS--I'm not adding you tossers to my link list until you do visit.

I'm pretending you care. I'm good at fooling myself that way.

Walrus Gumboot said...

Where I used to work, this fat guy would walk from his office to the bathroom doing that leg "kick out" thing. You could tell his ball-skin was sticking to his thigh and he was trying the old no-hands-adjustment trick.
Maybe if he lost a little weight, the problem would've subsided.

I'm happy everything is copasetic in Moose Taint County.

Y'all be cool !!!

Zanna said...

I visited, Beavana. And I liked it.

Italian Stallion said...

I think that guy was the one who made my taco's Friday night at my local joint El Salto. On a serious note, they have the best fucking Mexican food!!! It's like five minutes from my house too. Whenever I need a good stomach detox, I go there. Works everytime!!!!

cock-ninja said...

Actually I could use a bit more scotch.

TrannyGranny said...

Zanna, you know she can't sell her donkey: she's trying to fatten it up for the Christmas Get-Together Feast!

TrannyGranny said...

Yo, A Beav!

How did you know I was tossing? I have looked at your site, enjoyed it, uncalled for comments coming soon!

ZANNA said...

We are NOT going to their house for Christmas, Tranny!!! We can argue about this later!

Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Thanks Z and T. You guys can come to my house for christmas dinner. But you have to take your clothes off at the door. I just got new carpet.

TrannyGranny said...

Dragulf...isn't that mustard gas?

Zanna: Hell no we aren't going there! What about Beavers?

Beaver; Perhaps rather than getting new carpet, you could merely shave the existing?

Lady Fucking High As A Kite Jane said...

New thread, PUHLEEEEZE!!!!!!!

I'll show you my pussy.....

Ms. Beaverhausen: I've stolen quite a few articles in my time..... please tell me more of your thievery. It makes me wet....

Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Aw you fuckers added my house to your list...I feel all warm and moist in the pants :)

Yes, need new post people...what the fuck are you doing there in the Taint???