Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Why I Hate Breast Implants

The next 2 weeks may be a bit slow for new posts, Zanna is out of town.

Z is going to her favorite Uncle's wedding in Truth or Consequences, New Mexico, along the banks of beautiful Elephant Butt Lake. Why, you may ask, are you not going, Tranny? The reason: I am banned from being around her second cousin. Apparently, at a barbecue a few years ago, I lit cousin Chelsea's brand new breast implants on fire. I say, hey, if I don't remember no one should hold it against me...but Chelsea doesn't seem to see it that way. And as she is the bride, I am respecting her wishes to stay away. This time.

So I plan on drinking Jim Beam straight from the bottle, throwing hot-dogs at PETA activists and lesbians for the next 2 weeks, listening to Patsy Cline and generally being miserable. Cause you all know that my life is meaningless without Zanna.

Hell, Z and I even tied Freakshow Joe up, put him in a Saltine Cracker box and sent him C.O.D. to White Castle Burgers in Minneapolis together, right before she left. Who else is gonna do that with me?

So, I will post when I am sober enough to type, and if any of ya'll would like to get stupid in Moose Taint County for the next 14 days, I will be slumped in a pile of empties behind the corndog trailer till she gets back.

Damn yous, fake titties, DAMN YOUS!!!!

30 comments:

Rhode Island Red said...

Holy Moses!!!

My cubicle is meaningless today, so I Googled and Truth or Consequences, New Mexico AND Elephant Butt (e) lake are real......is this blog NOT a joke after all?

I may love you.

cock-ninja said...

Tranny: Sorry to hear that Zanna will be gone. I hope you have a good supply of penis grease. Anyway, if you get lonely feel free to stop by the ninja hut.

P.s. I'm always willing to share, and believe me... there is plenty to go around and around and around.

http://www.cock-ninja.com

Lumpy Sludge said...

By strange coincedence, I'm going to be in Truth or Consequences, NM on business for a week starting tomorrow.
Maybe Zanna and I will "hook up" (for brunch)?

Jim Beam and Patsy Cline are the only way to wallow in your own misery.

LadyJane said...

When I masturbate tonight, Tranny, it'll be all for you!!!

Tranny is Sad said...

Ninja.......


Great start, my friend!

I will leave a comment or so when I can focus from my misery.

L.S. I am not worried.....your balls should be. Kicks and all. From her.

Beam and Cline.......we all know.

Lady: Thank you, hon, but masturbate for her! I think ya'll would get along swimmingly.

ApacheRose said...

Tranny, you want me to come and keep you company until the lovely Ms. Zanna returns? You can "drown your sorrows" in..err.. WITH... me... ;)

stallion said...

Fake tit's suck............

Wait, I think I meant I like to suck on fake tit's..........

Nah, really they suck...........

pinky_nip said...

Boo hoo! I miss Z already...

I don't like fondling fake tits, of course, not everyone can be blessed with spectacular titties like some of us!

Road trip to Moose Taint! I'll fire up the VW Bus!

Lumpy Sludge said...

Tranny, I'm sending a case of Jim Beam to Moose Taint. It should be enough to last until Zanna gets back.

It's from my private reserve.

So drink up what you've got left and enjoy the gift.

Italian Stallion said...

It's about fucking time

TrannyGranny said...

Case of Jim B. AND a VW full of people to help me drink the blues away? Party in Moose Taint!!!

Yo, Stallion.......Meth and Kelly Clarkson? Woot! woot! We may be related, my brutha!

Nice horse. Is that a Tennesee Walker?

Italian Stallion said...

ROTFL.......Inside joke

Italian Stallion said...

Thanks T I do like this one better, and like you said Quarter Horses are mean motherfuckers, perfect...............

evil bunny said...

*sniff*
i miss zanna, too.
where's my wubbie?

nice pix, stallion...wanna horse around?

i know, i know. weak.

pinky_nip said...

I'm so proud of my Stallion that I would ride him bareback through the town square!

Nicely done, baby! *smile*

pinky_nip said...

And I won't be wearing a bustle...

Anonymous said...

Hey Tranny, don't you and lumpy sludge, aka walrus gumboot, aka imsuicidal, have some unfinished business to attend to?

TrannyGranny said...

A-non;

Actually, my friend, the business IS finished. I made my conditions public, and they have been met. Mr. Boot is honorable in his intentions to no longer troll, and thusly I have no need for the massive retaliation planned. I carry no grudges, and stand by my word, as I expect Mr. Boot, a gentleman, will as well. So, Sir, carry on.

*read that in a British accent, it is funnier!*

In other news...Pinky, Stallion, Sludge, Lady, Runny, Rose, Ninja, and EVERYONE else who has been having fun with this site, please, come visit me in "the Taint" and help me thru this misery that is not being with Zanna! 12 days left, and I guarantee that I will do at least one post that is so loaded I can't even speak....

Everybody say "Moose-Taint" with me out loud, it is HELLA-fun!

Lumpy Sludge said...

Tranny,
Why did that pansy fuck logon anonymously? I have my speculations who it is, but I'll keep them to myself.
He was trying to start some shit that you and I had settled. I appreciate you setting him straight and on his way.

12 days is a long time left without sweet, sweet Zanna. I'll send you a couple of bottles of Jack Daniels, a box of Wheat Thins and a deal of that cheese in a can. That should hold you over until the next supply truck gets arrives.

I just yelled 'MOOSE TAINT' out the window like Peter Finch yelled, "I'M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE" in that movie "Network". My whole neighborhood here in Hell's Kitchen is screaming 'MOOSE TAINT'.

Hang in there Amigo.

Italian Stallion said...

Tranny, don't you have some kind of thing that shows who posted that? We can turn our jokes toward that nip wit for trying to start shit.............

pinky_nip said...

I say we rent a U-haul and jam it with B&B, Cheap Red Wine, "Now" CD's, some chronic, and Pall Mall's and head into Moose Taint, blaring "We are the Champions" over a load speaker and cheer up ole Tranny!

Love you babe!

pinky_nip said...

I meant "loud" speaker, the only "loads" I want would be shot on my breasts.

TrannyGranny said...

Stallion;

I NEVER use the sitemeter to locate people, just that once to find out who stole my name. And it was a serious pain in the ass. I just happened to have several hours to kill that day. It is not like real names just pop up, it is more designed as a counter. So, people, anonominity is alive and well on the site, we could care less who you are. Mainly it just shows country of origin and how many people have looked at the site. A-mouse will just have to be content fucking him or herself without additional help.

Incidentally, the site has had 11,000 viewers from almost all western European countries, all North American countries, half of South America, Saudi Arabia, lots of Asian countries, Australia and South Africa. It is pretty weird, if you think about it.

Look forward to seeing the U-haul show up this weekend for some partying...although, I personally am saving my man-whiz for Zanna's perfect knockers when she gets home.

Dragulf said...

Who is Runny? Hahaha. err NM! probably my alt name. *sigh*

Spanks left, Zanna on vacation and CN has a 4 post site. Back to the superficial I guess. I hate posting there.

cock-ninja said...

Tranny: Stop the Insanity!!! Just kidding. Well, well well this blogger shit is taxing, and keeping up with e-mails and actually having a job. I have more respect for you now than before, which is a lot.

Yeah, Lumpy has promised to reform so he is always welcome at my site (he's kinda like the Abominable Snowman after Yukon Cornelious yanked out all his teeth... harmless) everyone deserves a second chance, it's a shame that there are people out there that are so vindictive that they would have to post anony-Mously just to stir up some old shit. Pathetic.

Anyway, hope you are hanging in there and you don't get carple-tunnel,... have a drink for me... the human bomb is ticking and the gorgeous brunette with great pecs, high cheek-bones and cute whiskers is purring: tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock, as little novelty electric razors hover about my head.

yours,

ninj.

TrannyGranny said...

Off to the casino, kiddo's, to swill free beers and molest slot machines! Yay Moose Taint!

D-Gulf;

I'll crank something out for ya soon, but my muse is out of town. Somehow this jar of Hordac Slime that I have been jacking off with just doens't have the same appeal as my lovely, porn-star proportioned Zanna. And I need a mother fucking muse, mutha fucka!

Ninj;

Your blog is funny as hell! That last paragraph....SWEET! You know you are totally insane, right?

Peace, freaks. And not in the hippy way.

Zanna said...

\i just put in like a few pesos so \i could log in from where ever the fuck it is \i am. Tranny..I miss you with the red hot intensiteis of a thousand suns and your text messages keep me moist from a distance...I'll be home thursday, and all will be fine. Clean up the corndog trailer and get Joe out of there.

Lumpy Sludge said...

Zanna baby, glad to read you're still alive!

Italian Stallion said...

Zanna, When you get back Tranny said he's going to hit it two times like I do>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

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