Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Where the Fuck is David Caradine These Days?

The end of summer has historically been a bit crazy in the "Taint", and this year is proving to be no exception. First, Hannoush dies in a fit of mole-induced vaginal asphyxiation/neck breakage, then Freakshow Joe gets a hot-beef injection on TV, and now this: A rogue ninja assaults poor Mr. White's "family".

Over the weekend, a dazed martial artist wearing a ninja mask and the sign of his rank, a paisley belt, was seen stumbling around town. He was drinking Mad Dog and talking to himself. Jimmy reported this ninja kept speaking of "supercheeks and spanking the fish". Jimmy has completed reading the Da Vince Code recently, and is convinced this mysterious man's ramblings may be of the utmost import. Poring over these words with his magic decoder ring has led to no revelations yet.

Then the ninja came in contact with Mr. White's chicken coop. Zanna, who had been tailing the stranger to determine if he was Mexican, told me a radical change came over the man. The fog lifted from his eyes, and the words "Tom Cruise Loves The Cock" were shrieked as he sprung into action. Ancient Japanese fighting techniques and the bottle of Mad Dog were used, the hapless chickens stood not a chance. Minutes later twenty chickens lay dead and the stranger was gone, only a few pecker marks from the largest cocks scarring the hands of the lunatic.

Mr. White, seen here, was devastated by the loss of his "family" and vowed revenge. Never have I met a man who loved chicken more.

Z and I found Mr. White in the street yesterday, overdosed while drowning his sorrows. His wife, Kay "Clucks", and son Ghengis Khlan say he should be alright to continue his vendetta later this week.

Jimmy was seen scampering towards the river with a case of Mad Dog, his decoder ring and a kimono this morning, I have no doubt this mysterious "Cock-Ninja" is still lurking nearby.

19 comments:

Dragulf said...

Paging DR. Rokter! Paging DR. Rokter! One of your patients has escaped!

Maybe we can get Mr. White a nice KFC bucket to calm him down?

walrus gumboot said...

Just goes to show ya...

DON'T PISS OFF THE COCK-NINJA.

Anonymous said...

David Carradine has been doing YellowBook.commmmmm commercials.

Tranny thoughoughly embarressed about the Lizzie thing Granny said...

A-mous;

thank god, last time I saw Carradine was on an episode of Lizzie McGuire (fuck off, I was watching it with a friends little girl). I was very concerned about him, after that.

Stallion said...

On the Louie corndog thread I told you guys how happy I was to be able to sell my new Razors with 5 blades and nigger bump guard. I bet this dude would like one, he'd probably even buy a thong..............

Anonymous said...

Yummy, David Carradine. No amount of Lizzie McGuire appearances or years between us would EVER change my mind about wanting to ride that bologna pony 'til the break of dawn.

cock-ninja said...

Wow

cock-ninja said...

Tri-fold wallet comment = AAAA++++

Cranky Zanna said...

Oh yea? i give TRI FOLD COMMENT an F-------------------------.

F minus and THEN a plus. divided by nothing, multiplied by infinity. That's how much I hated it.

Anonymous said...

what in the hell is a tri-fold wallet comment? seriously. I am not hip to this lingo.

Zanna said...

Oh, it's just a comment T left on the fish. And I don't hate it today. Just last night after a VERY long, hard day. :)

Anonymous said...

TrannyGranny DO NOT take credit for the tri-fold wallet comment. The MAN won't like it.

sign me
Fish Stalker

Zanna said...

What you talkin' bout Willis? He wrote it. I didn't see anyone else write it. Why can't he take credit for it?

walrus gumboot said...

Granny
I was watching Leno last night (because Letterman was in commercials ) and he was doing a bit about knock-off items. He holds up a Merriam Websters dictionary and says here's a "Merriam Websters dictionary". He let's it fall. Behind it is a little dictionary with, "Emanuelle Lewis Websters dictionary" on the cover. There was even a picture of little Emanuelle himself.
Didn't you call Websters (not the little nigger) dictionary, just that, two weeks ago.
Sue him for copyright infrigment, slander, deformation of character, having a huge chin... something.
Go for the cash!!!

Tranny Gonna Get Leno Granny said...

GODDAMN IT LENO!!!!! That asshole Always steals my material!

Fish Stalker: "The man" don't like much that I do. But my woman loves it.

Fish Stalker said...

I'd guess Leno steals your shit...
You claim mine as yours...
Right on!

TrannyGranny said...

Gee lil' fishy, perhaps you could show me precisely where I stole one of your jokes? Seems to me that I posted the tri-fold wallet comment on the Superfish, and everyone seemed to love it. Now, perhaps you should go talk to one of your wiser personas about going further with this?

Fish Stalker said...

Check post 56 at

The Jessica Biel tongue thread.

Fish Stalker said...

Please do not make the Fish Stalker angry.
Please do as you were asked.