Moose Taint Theatre Presents.....The Facts of Joe

As you may already know, in Moose-Taint County we like our midgets short, our corndogs fresh and our video footage direct from the source, rather than waiting for CNN-(M.T. County Special Disclaimer Edition) to put it up on the telly. That is where good ol' Aunt Sylvia came in.

She thought about getting the un-sensationalized video footage of Freakshow Joe's heroic tribute to Steve Irwin for as long as it took her to down a 40 of Old E, and a half pint of Winner's Cup Vodka. Then, she pulled out her teeth and went to visit our local special outreach CNN-(M.T. C. D. E.) cameraman, who was on loan from our slightly larger sister-county, Buffalo Nacho Parish. Septic-Foot Sam, as he is known in these parts ,videos all the special events, and Sylvia wanted answers. I never did learn the whole story of exactly how my saintly Aunt got her claws on this tape, but I do know she wasn't seen without mouthwash for a week, and Sam managed to look simultaneously horrified and happy at the same time.

So, with no further ado, fresh news without spin....May those fuckholes at Fox News take a lesson in objective reporting.

The Field Marshall of the Extravaganza was beside himself after reliving the awful footage. Out of his own pocket, he is flying in the best proctologist money can buy, from San Fransisco no less, to attend to poor Joe when he is finally coma-free.

Though, why a small city like San Fransisco has a world-renowned proctologist is beyond me. Zanna and I are just relieved that with incredible medical expertise such as this, Freakshow is sure to be fine.