Monday, September 25, 2006

The Cadillac of Hallucinogenic...er Spiritual Offferings

Ok, I was just down at the laundromat, and I met some crazy Indian chick who kept babbling about yoga. She said her name was Shama, which means inner light or spiritual insanity or something....wait, that can't be a name....She must have said Shamu, like the whale. Cause that fucking fish was Spiritual, yo. So spiritual I got thrown out of Sea World for smuggling a deep sea fishing pole and some tackle into his tank. Z and I woulda eaten tons of smoked fish for a whole year! Bastards.

Where was I? Oh, right, Shamu the Indian. That would be East Indian, not an American Injun. Well she was going on and on about how you could "focus your inner light" and "get in touch with your real self" and a bunch of other shit. And you know, while I was hastily folding my underwear trying to get away from this chick, something magical happened.

The words "I must inject Zanna's Information Super-Highway with My One-Way Conduit of Information as soon as she is off the plane" emaneted from my chest in a sepulcher tone. I said thanks to Shamu and her dot and hopped in the Pinto to find Jimmy.

Together, we drove down to Little Pocks shop. For those of you who have not put my mystical experience together yet, let me spell it out for you. Little Pocks is an Injun, from the Slapaho tribe, sells KILLER bud and Zanna gets nasty when she hasn't got any in a while, especially stoned. I think I have said enough.

Pocks didn't think "Little" looked good as part of the name of his store, so he has named it "Small Pocks Blanket Army Surplus" and does a good business. We went in, the er...peace pipe was passed and some Peyote was distributed. A bout of prayer to the Native American Church, of which I am a member, and a generous re-distribution of lunch into the toilet ensued. The initial rush of this perfectly legal to Church Members cactus always leaves me a bit talkative till I settle into the whole "in touch with the world" thing peyote does. Figured I'd make small talk, and since the NFL is back for the season, I reminesced:

"Little Pocks, remember that glorious game many moons ago, when the Cowboys massacred the Redskins, on the Redskins own field?" Quothe I. "Well, I was at that game, and was jumping up and down so much that I had a Wounded Knee. Felt like an arrow in there, as if each stand would be my last" That reminded me of cold which reminded me of Frozen Custard from KFC, so I decided to expound on my love for the Colonels Custard, when Little Pocks threw me out of the store. Why is this always happening to me?

Ah well, Little Pocks always gets over his snits, I got the green and a headfull of cactus dreams and Jimmy to party with tonight, Zanna home in 4 days...life is good in the Taint.

37 comments:

lumpy sludge said...

Holy Mackerel Andy...

...look at all them Indians !!!

LadyJanelikestosmoke said...

I will spark one up for you and Zanna tonight.

True Fucking Story

Italian Stallion said...

That took awhile to read because I was smoking.....He He He He
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Dragulf said...

Slapaho Tribe <-- Muahaha!
I wonder if they also sell cheap cigs. My freaking order is overdue (AGAIN!) from china. They better not swap in firecrackers this time! Slant eyed bastards. A guy told me once "The chinese will eat Anything that moves or grows!"

True Fucking Story!

P.S. Zanna, if yer in MeHico, don't drink the water hun!

pinky_nip said...

What a tale!

The last time I had a blunt, I spent three hours in Target looking at cell phone chargers and those little fuckers would not stop telling me "how much money they made" and "could they buy me a drink".

cock-ninja said...

What if I said that I had a miniature shotgun that blasts gene fragments into the cells of living organisms, altering their genetic matrices so that a monozygotic replicant would no longer be a monozygotic replicant and then we can fornicate without transgressing the incest taboo.

Tranny still drunk an trippin, yo, Granny said...

STONERS!!! I luv you guys. I'd so be sitting in a bell tower right now if it wasn't for ya'll.

Yo, Ninj, I am still seeing gremlins doing the macarana on my penis, didn't need to know about your sister-fetish. Although she is really hot.

Tranny there is a Marilyn Manson song about that statement somewhere, I know Granny said...

Somebody stopping me from ending my sentances in "yo" and ya'll for fucks sake.

Ya'll I say, goddam those hideous few months I lived in Texas, but yo at the END of a sentence? FUCK. That belongs at the begining as in Yo, fuckstick, stop using yo at the end of your fucking sentences, ya'll......

FUCK!

evil bunny said...

gawd, tranny, i love you!

i just love ALLLL you guys!
*sniff*

shit.
it's catching.

thanks for the contact high... now if i can just maintain it 'til the weekend!

Guy-Pierre said...

Has anyone seen my bag of nuts?

Guy-Pierre said...

Who doesn't love nuts?

TrannyGranny said...

Gay Pee-er.

Whassup? I enjoy Roasted Sugared Almonds from the Renasance Fair (again, spelltards, know it is wrong, don't fuckng care)(fucking).

Anyhoo, they are delicious, and, as a man in the business of delivering corn-covered meat, deep fried Snickers, and tasty treats in general to the public I ask this:

What is all of the people who reads this sites favorite guilt-food? Am especially interested in foreigners. For Real. Not Kidding. Will make fun of you. But, I am interested, really!

Dragulf said...

Donuts, (Seriously!) Pizza and Jordan almonds (separately.)

P.S. It's Renaissance. I know only because my guild is called that. ;p

evil bunny said...

does tequila count?

Lady -who is tired of all the ass-fucking- Jane said...

Please, Zanna, come back. Pleeeaaase....... I miss you. Tranny misses you. We need more of you. More more more.

Lumpy Sludge said...

From the USA

Re: Guilt-Food

* Hot Cheetos *


In a day or so, Granny, your favorite guilt-free-food is going to be sweet, sweet, sexy Zanna in a negligee.

I can sense these things.

ApacheRose said...

Is this damn thing going to let me post YET??

apacheRose said...

Guilt food for me... nachos from 7-11, loaded up with that nasty fake cheese and tons of jalepenos.

And a Coke Slurpee.

Yeah, go ahead and make the white trash comments, I have it coming.

pinky_nip said...

Guilt food for me.... sour cream and chive pringles.

Fuck that little mustachioed dick on the can, though... I can just tell he "thinks" he gives the best mustache rides.

Zanna said...

I'm BAAAAAAAAAACK.

pinky_nip said...

YEAH!!!! *throwing confetti*

We all missed you sweetie, We're glad you're back in the Taint, safe & sound!

Break out the Boone's Farm!

Lumpy Sludge said...

Yeah! Zannas back!

There's gonna be some fun times in the Granny house tonight!

(((((((((( BOOM ))))))))))))

Did you hear that stick of dynamite I just blowed up in your honor??

Zanna while you've been gone said...

http://lamplighter-gallery.blogspot.com/

http://houseofthebeaver.blogspot.com/

http://www.cock-ninja.blogspot.com/

http://twzzlrgirl.blogspot.com/

Italian Stallion said...

Welcome back Zanna!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This joints for you..........

evil bunny said...

YAAAAYYYYY!!!!
welcome back, z!

hey, stallion!

TrannyGranny said...

I FUCKING LOVE DYNAMITE!!!!!!!!

Ya'll know what my favorite snack food is? Pussy. Yeah, you could see that coming from a mile away.

Stallion, keep that thing passing around! Party in the Taint!!!!!

Zanna said...

okay, I just checked out cock-ninja's blog and I'm very tired. And now I'm tired, and deeply disturbed. And with that, I must go and get "welcome homed" by my dear betrothed. And Then I can tell you all about the wedding...and new mexico. Which I thought was a different country and was pissed when I realized there was no duty free shit to buy when I was coming home.

Walrus Gumboot said...

Hey people, the Walrus is back. (The non-trolling Walrus)
He stomped Lumpy Sludge to death with his Gumboot. (We all know how painful that can be)

I'm posting this on all the blogs I associate with.
Sorry for the repetition.

g'joob

Dragulf said...

Is a Gumboot like false teeth? IE do ya have to basicly glue them on or they fall out (off)???

walrus gumboot said...

No Dragulf, it pretty much just stays there. All the time, everyday, forever!

TrannyGranny said...

Howdy Walrus! Missed your funny comments. What the hell is a gumboot, andway?

Walrus Gumboot said...

To find out what a Gumboot is, I'll refer (reefer) you to my bandmates, John, Paul, George and Ringo.

For the spanish speaking contingent in the audience.
Juan, Raul, Jorge (pronounced whore-hey) y Bingo.

TrannyGranny said...

Holy Crap!!! You were the 5th Beatle?

Otra ves, pince, otra ves!

Yeah, I can't spell in fucking Espanol either. Sorry.

Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Just wanted to share this beautiful song with you all. It should be nominated for a Grammy, as far as I'm concerned.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4c5z1aKREUE

Zanna said...

Beavana, that was AWESOME...

Anastasia Beaverhausen said...

Zan--RIGHT?!?!?

Makes me wanna masturbate...

Excuse me...

Zanna said...

Beav -

That's how I got Carpel Tunel.