Saturday, August 05, 2006

Focusing on Cheech

I strained my back muscles a few days ago. Let's just say it involved me, Z, vodka and a stump. Well, this Chinee doctor comes to the stand sometimes, and he said he could fix it using this technique called an Accu-Punch-Here. Sounds a lot like voodoo, only the good doc is going to bypass the doll and stick pins directly in me. Methinks about it.....why the hell not?

So, this morning finds me laying down on a table, in my underwear, while Dr. Mai Phat Duc Dong sticks needles in me. Felt kinda tingly, like Pop Rocks in your blood. He looked at my tongue and checked my pulse, and told me my yang was to hot. Shit, tell me something I don't know. Said I need to eat more leafy vegetables to cool it off. I told him that was up to Zanna.

Well, while I'm laying there, Dr. Duc Dong begins telling me about this fad sweeping China, started by some guy named Feng Shooey. Apparently this Feng Shooey will come to your house and re-arrange your furniture, and put little mirrors all over the place to help people focus on Cheech. Love Cheech and Chong, and think its great the Chinee are learning about them.

But, it turns out that Cheech is some kinda energy, and that if your furniture and mirrors are placed just right, you can be more prosperous, and have better energy. And with a billion of those little guys wanting their furniture moved, I bet this Feng Shooey is gonna be so rich he can hire Bill Gates as a garden-boy.

Hmm, I wonder what Chong means?

Then Dr. Duc Dong pulled all the needles out, and damned if my back isn't as good as new! I'm all about the Chinee medicine now, except for those rancid herbs he told me to make into tea. Tastes like catshit smells, and looks like septic water.

When I told Zanna about the visit, she smiled from ear to ear. She's pretty smart about a lot of things, and went straight to Walmart to buy a bunch of mirrors to hang all over the bedroom, to "focus as much Cheech as possible on your Super-Hot Yang."

30 comments:

zanna said...

Turn the Freak Switch to 11 - and let's GET IT ON!

Dragulf said...

Dear lord! All that for that 1 line? Tranny, yer slacking m8. Damn funny but slacking.
I have one too.

"Custer is a strange name for an Indian."
"Yeah, my dad had a funny sense of humor."

spankcheeks said...

Zanna:

"But this one goes to eleven. It's one higher, you see."

Fuck you, Tranny, Spinal Tap is funny!

Oh, those crazy Chinee.

Tranny said...

one line? Remember, this is a diary of Z's and my life. No Corn Dog for You.

Heheh!

Cheeks:

JETHRO TULL, JETHRO TULL!!!! mwahaahaaa! Email me, you crazy ho!

Zanna said...

Cheeks: Please tell me he did NOT say Spinal Tap was not funny.

Yea, Dragulf...what...we have to entertain you now? It's just what we do on a daily basis. It's hard enough to live it let alone make shit up!

Dragulf said...

My apologies to the Granny's. I had a bad moment while typing that. Bunny on Spank's site was wondering who I was and I got depressed. I love you guys!

chillytatas said...

Hugs, kisses, and slurps to Tranny and Z.

LadyJane said...

Taladega Nights was funny.

I guffawed greatly during the movie.

True Story.

I poop in your mouth said...

What the fuck is that in the picture? I'm surprised the Mexicans don't mistake that thing for a piniata (sp).

I crap in your lap said...

Funny story people

i fuck in your truck said...

I'm obviously very bored

litelysalted said...

I watched a marathon of HGTV this weekend because I was too lazy to get out of bed/change the channel to some sort of entertainment countdown show.

Anyway, this renovation show comes on and I had the great pleasure to witness The World's Biggest Jackass in his native environment. This middle aged bald dude lived in a tiny one bedroom condo and was whining that his feng shui was all fucked up because he had to have his living room/office/"meditation area" all in the same space. So instead of just buying a house, (for fuck's sake) this fucktard buys the condo next door and breaks through to have one big giant monster condo so he could accomplish ultimate chi. (chi?) He even hired a feng shui expert to maxamize his feng shuiness. Apparently it is anti-feng shui to have your bathroom in plain sight, because the Chinese hate shitting, or something. In the end he got his big feng shui pimped-out condo and even had a whole fruity little room for meditation. The moral of the story is that HGTV is for idiots.

litelysalted said...

I apologize for that long comment. I just get really excited sometimes.

Bob said...

You should take energy more seriously young one. Yang is an important part of daily life. I meditate my yang daily to keep it focused and pure. A strong but controlled yang helps in all aspects of life!

Zanna said...

Tranny said I have an Ultimate Chi. And I shave it every day so there isn't any negative energy between my creamy chi and his throbbing yang.

Italian Stallion said...

I figured out most personalities on here and don't mean to upset you again, but Dragulf is who again? I really have no idea.......
Any little hint will do.......

italian Stallion said...

No idea who planters is either.......

chillytatas said...

stallion, do you know who I am?

Dragulf said...

Stallion, who are you again?

Tranny said...

Yo Chili, I KNOW who you are.

Dragulf...are you from Tucson? Please, tell me you are not my rotten ex's mom, cuz that would be weird, and rather, that you are a friend of my sis, cuz that would be weird. And, Stallion was asking who you post as on the Fish, cause that is where we all met.

Anyone. Stallion is a stand up guy, in my book, can't tell you the story, unfortunately, because that isn't cool. But, rest assured, if you are a friend of Stallions, he has your back like no-one you ever met.

Bob....I'm not gay, stop hittin on me.

Rock the world, litely!

Eh. I just felt like commenting.

evil bunny said...

AHA!! NOW i know where everyone is. don't know why i never thought to join the fun over here.

hey, big d, sorry about that. i'm a good lagomorph, really i am. besides, ninj started that.

good god, you guys, i think i shit myself catching up on y'all! the problem is everytime i visit, i want a fucking corn dog!!

notice how we STILL don't know quite who dragulf is?
i'm beginning to sense a vibe, tho!

love y'all,
buns

Zanna said...

ohhh, I'm lovin' the love I'm feelin in the room at the moment!! Group hug.

And by group hug I mean orgy!

evil bunny said...

HOORAY!!

evil bunny said...

surely not THE itallion stallion?
*fanning face with hand*

unloose that corset, mammy, a'hm gettin' the vapors fore shure!

oh, ashley, ashley!!!

come to me, my big..........

oh,fuck that. started out fun.

hi, stallion!

LadyJane said...

YAHOO!!

Dragulf said...

Tranny. Tucson, right on the money m8 :)
Yeah I read the Fish, I just don't post there much. I mean how many times can ya slam on Blohan or paris herpes or Shitney or read lamebanana's retarded posts...

TaiTai said...

Ah Guys, so sweet of you to have a Chinese post! I think of you often here. Maybe I should send you some photos. There is a park nearby called Long Dong Park. I have been meaning to stop by there, just for the scenery!

Jimmy said...

the penis enlargement cream is working.

pinky_nip said...

I feel like I have a "rave" going on inside my head today... wonder if acu-punch-her would help out?

Hannoush said...

You mother-fuckers. I know it was you! Me and my bomb were kicking ass, through the cargo climber, the hurdle jumps and the zigzag run, but halfway down the decline ladder over the croc pit I lost my grip. It was you, you, you, you pole battering assweeds. You just made the list. Again!!!!