Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Death By Camel Toe

R.I.P. (Rest In Pussy) Hannoush Bin-Ladin 1962-2006.

A tragic accident at the park today. Really don't know how to explain it except for just telling it like it is.

Turns out Hannoush was a fucking pervert. He figured out when he was dating Amy from the Wack-A-mole that he could check out ladies' bosoms as they wacked the moles. Meanwhile, back at the bat-cave, Helga (aka..the resident bearded lady) also figured out (simultaneously) that if she sat on the wack-a-moles after hours...she could..how you say in English.....I dunno...get the "moles in both holes?"

Yea.. you know what I'm saying.

So it's after dark, and Helga is sitting on the Wack-A-Mole machine with a stein of German lager...and Hannoush decided to up the ante by taking the back of the Wak-a-Mole machine off. Well, as he strained to get a better look into Helga's "mole-habitat"...a piston comes up, making one of the "moles" whack Hannoush in the chin..violently thrusting his head firmly into her gant.

Apparently, the death throes of a goat-licking camel-fucker are greater than the cordless Bunny Pearl. Helga had the greatest orgasm of her life. And as Hannoush prepared to meet Allah, he realized, there's no such thing as 70 Virgins. And that the Koran never said anything about a giant clam suffocating you to death. Imagine dying in that kind of confusion. Allah-Akbar, indeed.

T and I heard the sirens and ran to see what all the commotion was about. The fireman showed up, with the jaws of life..but it was too late.

Helga was angry..she though she finally found THE ONE. Before us lay death, dissapointment, heartbreak and devastation - all accompanied by the entire Moose-Taint County Fire Department.

Do you want to know what the irony of all this is? The beared lady shaves her snatch. Go figure. If that's not enough to make you stand there at 1:20 am and scratch your ass in disbelief, nothing is.

The only good thing is the Wack-A-Mole machine was saved. And as soon as the Dollar Store opens in the morning, me and Amy are going to go get some Febreeze to Febreeze the moles. Cuz you know...we're all about customer service.

We'd like to dedicate this song to Hannoush....

16 comments:

chillytatas said...

Jesus Christ (or Allah) and I thought I was having a bad day. But if you're going to die, at least you should go where you are the most happy. Well, Hannoush would probably prefer a camel or a goat, but Helga is probably a close third.
Where are the funeral services going to be held? I have a sexy lace turban I've been dying to try out. I think Hannoush would appreciate that.

Dragulf said...

"the death throes of a goat-licking camel-fucker" <-- Pure Comedy GOLD!

Wouldn't Lysol be better than Febreeze? Amy is Hot! or am I blind?

RIP Hannoush! Your brothers said they would 'take care' of your animals m8, so no worries. What a way to go!

pinky_nip said...

And I thought sitting on the washing machine when it's off balance was fun!

I think I'll go to Chuck E. Cheeses for lunch today!

Italian Stallion said...

Great story, me raugh rong tine......

Gotta go, heading to Chuck E. Cheeses to get inside Whack a mole machine. Can't wait. Death by Pinky_nip just like that dream I had last night except with a different style of death this time. In the dream it was heart attack for Pinky_nip riding the Stallion to long. Atleast this time I get a departing meal...............

pinky_nip said...

It's so funny you should say that Stallion about the "departing meal"..

Because I cannot begin to tell you how many times I get calls from the prison. My pussy has been requested by so many death row inmates as their "last meal", it's almost kind of embarrassing!

spankcheeks said...

I've never trusted those whack-a-mole machines. Now I know why. Gut instinct, folks. You can't buy that kind of savvy.

Italian Stallion said...

So I'm sitting in Chuck E Cheese, patiently waiting for Pinky_nip's arrival when some 80 year old lady takes a load off and sits down on the Whack a mole.
I'm thinking "what the fuck", waiting for a New York strip and a 80 year steak um sits down on my face. So when I was finished throwing up I pushed the old bat down a flight of stairs. I guess I felt a little better but still upset I didn't get the Strip......................

chillytatas said...

I'll never look at the Wack a Mole machine the same again, you pervs, lol.

LadyJane said...

everyone is getting spanked at cheek's place.

someone bring the whipped cream!!!

Tranny said...

Yo Stallion, that's not the story I heard from Grandma. She said that you licked the dust off the old, and I mean OLD hoo-hoo, then rode her so hard that her hip broke! Geez, old ladies are fragile, take it easy. I would be pissed, but she looks so happy, even with the leg in traction.

Tell me, going thru all those wrinkles, was it just like popping her cherry again?

Zanna said...

Yea, I heard the Stallion was a "buckin' bronco"....

and with her leg in traction...well..that just makes for easier access.

Anonymous said...

PaganQueen testin

Italian stallion said...

Yea, I ate your grandma, and what?

I'm not ashamed and I'll do it again, bitch tasted like geritol..........

LadyJane said...

PaganQueen???

Where in the fuck have you been???

litelysalted said...

More unrelated HGTV commentary:

I decided this weekend that I might like to have one of those HGTV shows come "do" my yard for me, since I have so far taken the "Let nature take it's course" philosophy of yard maintenance. But then I did some research, and found out that you have to like, pay for it yourself, and all HGTV will do is set it up and film it for you. Fuck that. I'm not gonna pay somebody to install some gay little fountain in my yard.

Oh, and I linked to your site through Spanks, who was referred to me by a friend, who I believe found Spanks on the Superficial. So, I know you had your hopes up and all, but in the end it all comes back to the fish...

Anonymous said...

ladyjane - workin like a dog! I cant post from the 'fish at work, so I have missed some great opportunities to lay the smack down! LOL

By the time I get home I am just too dang tired to hit the 'fish. So I will hit this blog for a bit.

kiss kiss, PaganQueen