Sunday, July 09, 2006

Turkey Bologna Still on the Hoof/Go Italia!

Ok, Zanna finally dragged me away from my corndog project, she said I needed some fresh air. We get down by the river, and she's all playfull, wants me to cover my eyes and count to 30 while she goes and hides. Twenty-eight counts later, I open my eyes, and she is still standing right in front of me. Butt-nekkid. Oh my. Nothing to do carry her to the nearest tree-stump and spend some time frightening the wildlife.

Well, after a while, we come up for air, and are laying in the grass, enjoying the sunshine, when we hear something crashing out in the woods, heading our direction. Moments later, the hugest 12-point buck I have ever seen runs through the clearing. Moments after he disappears from sight, who should show up but Jimmy. He's running, shrieking "Here Kitty, Kitty!" at the top of his lungs, the shotgun pointed backwards over his shoulder, and throwing Pez from a feedbag. Yes, he is naked. Mostly. Zanna said, in an amused way "Did he seriously duct-tape his johnson to his leg?" In a way, it makes sense, running naked tends to bruise the nutsack.

Seeing that enormous buck is making me reconsider hunting season this year. I haven't hunted in a few years, due to moral and ethical concerns. Not my concerns, mind you, but the moral and ethical concerns of the Moose Taint County Sheriffs Department. I mean, really, I keep explaining that just because my AK has a 50 round clip doesn't mean I'm going to use all those bullets in one deer!

Anyway, that was this morning, and I just snuck away from the impromptu street party in town to borrow some wi-fi and write this: Italy won the World Cup. Now, any time the French lose is a cause for celebration, but more so if the local register-jockey at the liquor store is an ex-OSS agent with one leg...named Eileen. When Z and I first got to town to pick up some well-deserved Sunday 40's, Eileen was already in fine form, dancing a sort of hoppity jig with her own leg. That's right, she popped her own prosthetic off to dance with it, singing to the tune of "Amore" her own rendition "Team Italia makes me high, like a big pizza pie (covered in) marijuana. MARIJUANA!". She then started throwing free booze to the crowd, and asking people of French decent to step forward, so she could bean them in the head with her peg. After all "If head butting is good enough for the Italians, you frogs can taste my stump!"

Well, Z and I were happy to swill free booze, and I am of Italian decent, so in the spirit of things, I began handing bottle rockets out to whom-ever wanted to light some off in celebration. You may want to watch this.



I gotta get back, who knows what will happen next!

7 comments:

LadyJane said...

Sweet cross-dressing Jesus on a cruise ship, that was one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

You know, when my girlfriends and I get together, rather than the topless tickle fights we usually have, maybe I'll suggest firecrackers up the vajajay instead. Could be fun!

Dragulf said...

Woohoo! Screw Superman, that guy is now my HERO!

Anonymous said...

You two are fucking HILARIOUS! Where do you all come up with this shit?

TrannyGranny said...

Yo, A-Mous

"...Come up with this?" This is a diary of our lives, friend.

Anonymous said...

I am laughing so hard I am fucking crying. I hope you are happy with yourselves.

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