Thursday, July 20, 2006

Corndog Code Orange - High Risk of Terrorist Attack

Let me just say this. On my PERSONAL Security Advisory System, I start at "guarded" not "low". "Low" shouldn't even be an option. T and I are at Code Blue during "REM"sleep, so I'm just letting that be known. Some would argue that makes "guarded" the new "low". But what I'm saying is that we're "guarded" 24/7. I'm rambling now. Sorry.

If we weren't forced to go by the national scale, T and I would currently be at code yellow, however, because we personally start at blue, we are currently elevated to "orange" or "high".

We have decided to elevate our personal terrorist level due to the fact that Sylvia has been MIA for the last day and a half and a "live animal" crate arrived, addressed to T, with a well-worn sticker on it that says, " Allah Akbah" and a recipe for hummus. We thought there was huge bag of suspicious white powder in it...but it turns out it was Sylvia's cat curled up in the back. So we named him Anthrax.

T is currently devising an evacuation route for us and ordering various "survival" items online. Me? I'm just going to the Dollar Store to get a squirt bottle so I can spray the cat. Because it masturbates in the corner. I am usually spunk-tolerant. Hell, NOBODY is more spunk-tolerant than me. But I draw the line at cat spunk.

T just walked by me saying we might be going to code red. He went in and shot this video of Anthrax - and listen to the music in the background. We don't play Middle Eastern music, okay? Just not down with it. AT ALL. You can't dance to it and there is usually too much going on in that kind of music and it makes the bones in my face ache. Seriously.

You don't have to be Nostradamus to see what's coming. With the "Allah Akbar" sticker, the hummus recipe and NOW the mysterious music? T always said that would be our PTT (Personal Terrorist Trifecta). He called it 3 years ago and he wrote it down. It's on a piece of paper in the visor on the driver's side of the Pinto. And here it is. It has come to pass.

Stay tuned. T is going into a zone right now. He makes me feel safe but at the same time I feel scared. And if you don't believe me about Anthrax, just look.


Dragulf said...

Oh is that what's going on! WHEW!

I thought ya told the cat to go play with itself...

Anonymous said...

Kitty porn is just wrong if you ask me.

Italian Stallion said...

You guys are funny

tarjamarja said...

That cat has the right attitude! Good for him! :)