Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Tales of Family Love and Spork

Goddamnit Les, you man-hating bitch, get off my Kool-Aid. I already told you Zanna is mine, all mine, and bringing up those old rumors will get you nowhere.

How to explain to Zanna about Aunt Flo? When I was younger, my foster parents had kicked me out. I won't go into all the details, but let's just say it involved their favorite cat, a Roman candle and the Moose-Taint County Fire Department. Good ol' Aunt Flo had the graciousness to allow her favorite nephew to stay. It was late one night, and Aunt Flo had been drinking more than usual, and she started asking me some personal questions, like "So nephew, do you know the proper way to kiss a girl?" She was on me like a drunken lion seconds later, trying to show me how to french-kiss, when some cousins showed up. Long-story short, Tranny and Flo are married, haunted the rest of my Junior High career.

I spent all morning sanding the new ride, I don't think Zanna enjoys me looking for splinters around the "playground" nearly as much as I do. I've been having some fun with her, asking if she "wants to take a spin on the woody" and "shall we put some gas in the hog". She smiles that little smile and starts unbuttoning her blouse, then stops and tries to decide what I mean. Thank god, she has so far decided that as long as the shirts part off....

Like we used to say about our ol' hound dog, Spork, Cute, but not so bright. I love her though. And I miss Spork, he would chase parked cars for hours.

Well, off to the Sam's Club, I hear they got a new shipment of all beef franks in, and I am just dying to see if they are good quality.

4 comments:

jane's eyre said...

WHERE do you get these pictures? Seriously. FAMILY DOLLAR?? The "Beast of Burden"? I know Tranny lives in Co., not sure about Zanna, but it wouldn't happen to be backwoods Arkansas, would it?

Zanna said...

What do you mean where do I get these pictures? We take them! ;)

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