Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Jimmy Funny Like Bob Hope

We finally had cell phone signal for like 10 minutes when we got a frantic call from Jimmy. Apparently he "foraged" and found a particular strain of a certain fungus that made him trip his ever loving socks off. And when he was alone and naked in the woods....saw a monster pig eat Jesus.

Well, being the good citizen that he is, Jimmy proceeded to the Grace Church to alert all of the Good Lord's followers that the second coming of Jesus was abruptly ended by a giant Sus scrofa domesticus. And no-fucking where in the Bible did it EVER say that.

So, while at the Grace Church Jimmy decides to fix the sign out front - you know...cuz the way he figures it the non-believers should be alerted - "cuz that there is the Christian thing to do"...and everyone knows non-believers like to eat at Denny's so they'll pass the Grace Church en route.

Anyway, Pastor Dan defended himself against Jimmy in the only way he knew how and it was to throw Holy Water at him. And now Jimmy thinks he's on fire so T stayed on the phone with him for over an hour convincing him if was on fire, he'd be dead by now.

The police are there - and there is a monster pig...but turns out it was just the one that got stolen from the Easter Seals Camp. No sign of Jesus though. Which sucks because I would have wanted his autograph. He was so hot in The Passion of the Christ. What he wasn't? He so was.


jane's eyre said...

TECHNICALLY, the pastor wouldn't have thrown holy water at him, that's a Catholic thing. He would have thrown, um, communion grape juice in little plastic cups, followed by a barrage of little pita bread bits.

Zanna said...

True that (and yea, I'm Catholic and have been permanently scarred by it. I was never molested which means they didn't find me attractive..but I DIGRESS..)...

We weren't there - I'm just reporting on what I heard T responding to on the phone..which was Jimmy thinking he was burning cuz the Pastor threw something at him. He didn't say anything about pita chips though. We'll have to follow-up on that.

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